It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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