The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
