Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
