Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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