You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize