if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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