Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
