I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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