hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
