sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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