I got chris browned last night
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
