If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I could make wine with my vomit
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
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