Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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