Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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