Nicole vs. Life
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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