I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
