just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
