I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
