i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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