Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
