either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
