was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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