I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
