Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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