i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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