my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
ttyl tear gas
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
