It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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