On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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