ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
