We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
