the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
