I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
