you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
