sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
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For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
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When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
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