I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
