p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
