can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
