So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
