once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Let's paint friendship bongs
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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