You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
