i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
