I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i dont even know how to be here
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
