I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
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We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
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i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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