I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize