i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
