The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
