i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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