Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
