apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Come share oat with me in your robe
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
