I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
