this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
