Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize