my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
