6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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