ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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