i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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