The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
