dude i'm inner monologue high
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
