my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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