sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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