Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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