but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
