If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
