Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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