I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
