i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
