Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize