you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
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Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
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am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.