Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.