so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
